In a conflict, it’s important to exchange information and points of view without becoming defensive or arguing. This exchange of information has to be a flexible, two-way conversation. It’s important that everyone involved participates and encourages reactions and suggestions. The following phrases can help you start effective dialogue:
- I have a dilemma and I need some help with it.
- I need to talk through an issue with you.
- Something has been brought to my attention that I’d like to discuss.
- I need a reality check on something.
- I’m having a problem with [person/ issue], and I don’t know what to do about it. I could use some advice.
- I’m trying to solve a problem, and before it gets bigger, I’d like to get your thoughts.
- You can talk to me about your concerns.
- I’d like to share an issue I really need help with and get your opinion.
- I hear what you’re saying about [xyz].
- Let me repeat what you said so there’s no confusion.
- I’m not sure that I agree. Let’s explore that some more.
- From what you observed, this is how you’re interpreting the situation.
- I’d like to know how you feel about it.
- Perhaps you could tell me about [xyz].
- What I think you are saying is [xyz].
- Sounds as if you really meant [xyz].
- You think it’s a good idea if [xyz].
- You would really like it if [xyz].
- You think that [xyz].
- I’m so happy you said that because [xyz].
- Texting isn’t the best way to communicate in this situation. When can we meet to have a discussion?
- You said that I don’t have all the facts. Please tell me what I’m missing.
- You said that I don’t have the right context for the situation. Can you provide it for me?
- I don’t presume to know what you think. You’ll have to give me more information.
- I know this is a frustrating situation for you, but if we are going to resolve it, I need to ask you some additional questions.
- I heard what you said, but I’m confused about your allegations. I need additional information.
- If I understand you correctly, [xyz].
- In other words, [xyz].
- From what you’re saying, my sense is [xyz].
- It sounds like [xyz].
- So your main concern is [xyz].
- I really want to know more about your position on the issue. Can we talk and clear the air?
- I’d like to hear more about why you are so intent on going in that direction. Since we have different opinions, let’s hear each other out.
- We need to talk about the email you sent last night. I’m not sure where you’re coming from.
- What do you think would happen if we don’t deal with this?
- We need to talk about why you oppose every idea I bring up. I want to understand if it’s me or my ideas you don’t like.
- Thanks for asking. That gives me a chance to share something that’s been on my mind and maybe get your thoughts on it.
- I might be taking a risk, but I’d like to get your thoughts on what happened in the meeting today when you and I didn’t agree on the [xyz] project.
- Can we talk about the issues with the project now, or would a time for later in the week be better?
- I understand you’re frustrated with me. I’d like to share my thoughts and see if we can reach agreement on this.
- I’d like to know your thoughts about the discussion we had today in the café.
- How so?
- I’ll say!
- Please say that again so I can process the words better.
- I take our discussions very seriously and really want to hear what happened.
- What just happened here?
- Thanks for being so open. I’m pretty sure that if we talk this out, we can resolve it.
- Thanks for bringing this forward.
- I totally agree with what you just said, so let’s keep the conversation going.
- I know precisely what you said and agree with many of your points, but would like to share my thoughts as well.
- I feel like we’re on the same wavelength on this one with some minor exceptions. Let’s talk.
- You’re making some really valid points.
- Thanks for your honesty. Knowing your thoughts on this will help us move forward.
- I’m happy you brought this up.
- Getting this out in the open will be a first step.
- We all want the same thing: our [team, project, organization] to succeed. If we start from there, we can make it work.
- Is there anything else you’d like to add to this conversation before we move on?
- Is this what you need me to tell you?
- Have I answered your questions?
- What more can I share so that we can put this behind us?
- I’m so glad we’re having this conversation.
- I’ve been waiting for the right time to bring this up and now seems right to me. Does that work for you?
- Please know that this isn’t a game to me. I really want to have this discussion here and now!
- Let’s keep our goal of having a strong working relationship in mind as we talk this over.
- I’m not going to downplay the challenges we face as we confront this issue, but I have confidence in our ability to work it out.
- Let’s get all the issues on the table and tackle them one by one until we’ve resolved them.
- If we’re going to get to the bottom this, we both need to commit to work towards a solution. We need each other to resolve this.
- I’ll be glad to listen to whatever you want to share with me now or whenever you’re ready to talk.
- Thanks for saying that. Helps me know where you’re coming from.
- I wish you’d look at me when we’re talking. It really helps me to connect with you.
- Please ask me that in a different way.
- Did I answer your question? If no, what do you need from me?
- I trust you to keep this confidential so you can speak freely and openly.
- I promise I will keep this just between us. No one’s going to hear about this from me.
- I am so glad you asked about that.
- Thanks for taking a risk and bringing up this issue. It needs to be discussed and I appreciate your bringing it to light.
- I know it cost you to say what you did and I appreciate it.
- This is just between us.
- Here’s what I need to know.
- I think I know where you’re coming from, but please tell me again what’s important to you.
- You know what? This is the perfect time for us to talk about this.
- No time like the present to [xyz].
- You go first: what are you thinking? Then I will be happy to respond.
- Let me jump in here and ask a question [or clarify a point].
- I’m not just looking for a conversation. I want to get to the bottom of this!
- What are your views on [xyz]?
- What’s your take on [xyz]?
- What are you thinking about [xyz]?
- It takes courage sometimes to speak up, so please let me know what you’re thinking.
- Where can we go with what we know now?
- Let’s hit rewind and start over.
- I think we both know that isn’t the case, so how do we move forward?
- Something’s just not right here.
- Feel free to jump in with whatever information you have on this issue.
- This is a topic I’ve wanted to discuss for a long time and now’s a great opportunity to do so.
- I think we both want the same thing here, so let’s see if we can make it happen.
- I know we can resolve this, but it’s going to take both of us! Let’s get started.
- Is there at least one other way to look at this issue?
- What if we tried it this way?
- I’m willing to try it your way.
- That’s a great idea.
- That is a wonderful suggestion. I can see how it will help us resolve this issue.
- I can see why this might be frustrating for you.
- That’s a really good place to start.
- Sometimes just jumping in to an issue can break the ice. You want to give it a try, or shall I start?
- I love that you’re so passionate about this. Tell me more.